How to Stop Hating Your Body Without Changing It
If you're on the path of healing your relationship with your body — i.e., learning to live life comfortably in your skin — it's common to first encounter one strong emotion:
Anger.
Where the Anger Comes From
We start to realize that the feelings of inadequacy we experience around our bodies were learned — from the culture around us, through the voices of family, media, schools, the medical system, and more.
We feel angry that we absorbed these ideas about our bodies not being good enough (which gets internalized as “I’m not good enough”). And we feel angry that these beliefs are still out there — plaguing the self-worth of grown adults and infiltrating the minds of new generations of innocent children.
The instinct becomes:
“Stop spouting this BS!”
“Stop commenting on other people’s bodies!”
We try to change the behavior of others, blaming them for having “made” us feel this way — or for continuing to “make” others feel this way.
Anger Isn’t the Enemy — But It’s Not the Solution
That initial anger can be helpful. It’s a clear marker telling us what we don’t want in our lives.
But anger, with all its fire, can burn us out.
Hold a torch too long and it burns all the way down — and burns us in the process.
When we dig deeper, we realize that anger is hovering over something else:
Sadness. Fear. Hurt. Vulnerability.
Anger is a protective mechanism. It feels more powerful than sadness or fear — so it becomes the emotion we reach for. But it’s not the one that will free us.
Waiting for the World to Change Keeps You Stuck
Although the beliefs we hold about our bodies may have originated from others, waiting for them — or the culture — to change so we can feel better?
It’s a fool’s game.
When we believe we’re at the mercy of what others think or do…
When we believe others have the power to make us feel a certain way…
We’ve given away our power.
As Eleanor Roosevelt famously said:
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
How Thought Creates Experience
If we want to feel better in our bodies, we need to recognize something essential:
The only thing creating a negative experience of our bodies is our thoughts about them.
I was working with a private coaching client recently, and I had her visualize this:
She stood in front of a mirror, looking at what she felt was an unacceptable-looking stomach. I asked her to observe this image of herself in three different ways:
Without any thought in her mind
With a positive thought present
With a negative thought present
What do you guess happened?
She experienced her body as neutral, then positive, then negative — purely based on which thought she was seeing herself through.
That’s the power of thought.
It literally creates our experience of ourselves, of others, and of the world.
Your Mind Is Where Freedom Starts
So if we want a better experience of our bodies, the best place to go is our minds.
Thinking is malleable. It's also optional.
You get to choose which thoughts you engage with and which you don’t.
That’s your power.
Now — I know it doesn’t always feel that way.
When we haven’t yet realized that thoughts are just thoughts — and not who we truly are — we take them at face value.
We believe: “This is just how it is.”
But no — it’s not.
Power Means No Longer Playing the Victim
Once we realize we have the power to change our experience, something big shifts:
We can no longer be a victim.
And truthfully — a lot of people don’t want to let that go.
Many of us have built a sense of identity around our problems, around being someone who struggles or suffers. That identity can become a way to receive sympathy… or to avoid responsibility.
And yes — this is a hard thing to hear.
When this truth is first presented, it’s common for the mind to resist:
“Great, so now I’m responsible for all my suffering?! That’s BS! People hurt me — I’m not going to let them off the hook.”
To that, I say:
No, you are not to blame. You can’t control which thoughts pop into your head at any moment.
And no, this doesn’t condone anything harmful that someone else has done.
But… your continued suffering as a result is in your hands.
A Truth Worth Sitting With
As Robert Collier wrote:
“Every condition, every experience of life is the result of a mental attitude.
We can only do what we think we can do.
We can only be what we think we can be.
We can have only what we think we can have.
What we do, what we are, what we have — all depend upon what we think.
We can never express anything that we do not first have in mind.”
If reading this is stirring something up — I get it. Let that happen.
Because here’s what else is true:
You have the power to change your experience of yourself and your life.
If life is experienced through thought (and it is), then you have the ability to shift which thoughts you give your belief and attention to.
This Is How You Take Your Power Back
You are more powerful than you realize.
You can feel better in your body.
You can feel better in your life.
And it starts in your mind.
This post is a clarion call:
To take radical self-responsibility.
To stop waiting for the culture to change.
To stop hoping others will finally say the right thing.
To realize that how you feel is already within your control.
Not everyone is ready to take that leap — and that’s okay.
But for those who are:
I’m here to support you through it.
Want to Work With Me?
As a private coaching client once shared:
“I had no idea coming into these coaching sessions how much my life would change.”
That’s the level of transformation available through private coaching.
If you’re ready for that kind of shift, apply for private coaching here.
Want to Start Smaller?
If you’re not quite ready for coaching but want to dip your toes into this work, I invite you to order a personalized mantra meditation.
It will help seed more empowering thoughts into your mind — about your body, your worth, and your power — so you can feel for yourself how much thought alone can shift your experience.